Before the Sunrise

Majesty Sunrise began over a decade ago. It began with the teenager who spent many nights struggling with loneliness. I remember the tears from middle school and high school. I remember the pain. I remember all of it. I told very few people about this. In fact, you can count the people who knew about it on one hand and still have fingers left over. I kept it from almost everyone because I did not want anyone to feel sorry for me. Admittedly, this was very prideful, but I am glad I never sought help because I do not believe I would be who I am today if I did. While that seems crazy, allow me to explain.

The war with loneliness is exactly that; it is a war. It rages on constantly. From the moment your eyes wake up until the moment you fall asleep. Whether you are in a room full of family members or by yourself, that feeling is still pressing on your chest to the point to where you feel like you are suffocating. It eats at you day and night and there is never a moment to when it releases its grip on you.

You will have an opportunity to read all about this. I never held back from what it felt like when I wrote some of these poems. Some of my favorite poems detail the pain I experienced going back to those teenage years. Why are they favorites? They remind me of the work God has done. They remind me how He was faithful to me even when I was hurting the most.

I will be the first to admit that I pray for faith everyday and I will not pretend I have more faith than anyone else. My faith is still weak and pathetic compared to what it should be and there is even a poem on that. Nevertheless, even though this war has raged on for over a decade, I can tell you this: I trust God more today than I ever have before. One of the lies loneliness will influence you to believe is that you are all alone when, in fact, you are not. While I believed this lie more times than I want to count, I am glad to know that I was never alone. Did it feel that way? More times than I can count. Was it ever true? Not for a moment.

Even reminding myself of how faithful the Lord has been to me brings me to tears. I know that I can trust Him, which is what inspired me to write this:

Trust His Heart

________________

Even over this trial, You are sovereign
That is hard for me to grasp
Though I cannot understand why
Such a trial has been allowed to fester
I trust Your heart to afflict me

A trial that everyone knows
We all have experienced it at some point
Strikes the heart through the soul
The soul gripped with fear and trembling
An agonizing heartache that bleeds from within

Though you have allowed and ordained this
I want to do nothing but trust You
As I find the greatest peace in your sovereignty
That even with my bleeding heart
I know that I can trust Yours

I learned to trust God enough to afflict me. That was so hard for me and it will be until the day I die. But I know that I can trust God. He was faithful to me even though I gave Him every reason not to be. For the most part, throughout this war, it was just me and the Lord. And He brought me through it.

The ultimate purpose behind Majesty Sunrise is to glorify Christ and to show every person that you can trust Him, even in pain. I do not have all the answers and please do not look at me as an example of faith, as that is not my intention. If you look to anyone, look to Christ and keep your eyes fixed on Him (Hebrews 12:1-2).

While my war with loneliness is a huge theme, I talk more about the gospel and Christ than anything else. There are 9 different themes in total, one of which is a special story within 6 poems that I am very excited to share. I will leave the reader to interpret that story for themselves. They are in order, so you will not have to decipher which poems are a part of the story. You will also see how I came up with Majesty Sunrise and what it means. To date, “Majesty Sunrise” is my absolute favorite poem.

Knowing Christ has been the greatest joy of my life and I would not change a moment of anything because my afflictions have made me the man I am today. I am not the man I want to be, but I thank God every day that I am not the man I used to be. My prayer is that you will get a copy and see the Lord Jesus glorified through every work. It has never been about the money for me (I wish it were possible to give you all a copy!), only the opportunity to tell the world about Christ and the work He has done in me. I want this to help someone who fights the same war I do.

This will not be the last book I write, either. God willing, I have something else up my sleeve and I have already begun working on it. This will not be in poetic form either. It may be a few years, but I have every intention of making it happen. I pray the Lord’s will done with this, but if He allows it, I believe you will be blessed.

God bless you all.

Get ready for Majesty Sunrise.

One thought on “Before the Sunrise

  1. Your pain will help others, your heart is pure and the truth about loneliness and your walk will bless others who are or currently walking on this same path. It’s not a struggle that only affects young adults but can grow all through life’s journey. God Bless you for your open heart and healing with the Lord Jesus Christ the great physician

    Like

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